(©Brooke vs John 2009)

When I first read The Hobbit, it was true love at first sight
And The Lord of the Rings moved me just the same
I couldn't put them down, I'd stay up reading them all night
And when I'd hit the end I'd start again
In short Tolkien was my god
But I feel like such a fraud
And you'll know why when you hear me say:

I fell asleep reading the Silmarillion
Though I tried so very hard to stay awake
Was it the genealogical charts? The poems in ninety two parts?
There's something about that book I just can't take
I fell asleep reading the Silmarillion
Maybe it was those weird albino trees
Beruthiel the Fair? It's just so hard to care!
Oh, professor, couldn't you spice it up for me?

It isn't that I don't like the obscure things that he wrote
I wrote a paper 'bout Appendix A
C minus. I'm so misunderstood.
I'll admit that Roverandom didn't really float my boat
But at least I could stay conscious the whole way
I read his parts of the OED
Even the one on "letter E"
But it didn't stop my narcoleptic ways when:

I fell asleep reading the Silmarillion
Illuvatar's just not an action hero
I need Galadriel to whip me up a magic spell
To bump my interest level up from zero
I fell asleep reading the Silmarillion
On my first attempt and every one thereafter
I feel for those dark ring lords â€" they weren't evil, they were bored!
Better the one ring than one more chapter

My library has got a really fine Tolkien collection
And the librarian who works there's really... deep.
I wanted to impress him with my erudite selection
So I grabbed the Silmarillion! ...and fell asleep
With a gentle shoulder tap
He woke me from my Tolkien nap
And said "I thought I was the only one!"

Who falls asleep reading the Silmarillion
I know I'm supposed to love it, but I can't
And I think I need not mention that the elf-girls at conventions
Are never going to give me an elf chance (at their elf pants...)
So now we fall asleep reading the Silmarillion
A thousand boring elves with boring names
Yes, we fall asleep reading the Silmarillion
And do you know what, yes, I'll tell you what, we're not ashamed!